October 2009
2 posts
February 2009
16 posts
the funny one
Cammy: You are too nice.
Guy: Oh, but you are too sweet my dear. A guy cannot help it with someone as lovely as you.
Cammy: See what I mean. You make a gal blush bright red.
Guy: Brighter than a your lipstick I see.
Guy drops in his charming smile. Cammy laughs, very quiet and soft, and her cheeks burn brighter still.
Cammy: You are a funny one.
She says with an equally beautiful smile, still laughing.
Guy: It's much better than what I've been called lately. I'm used to hearing creep being spat at me.
Cammy: Oh my, I cannot see how. You are sweet, charming and quite funny. Why would someone call such a lovely guy, like you, a creep.
Guy grins.
Guy: Usually it is followed by 'Get away from my window!'
“I’d forget myself if I weren’t right here.”
ha!
And you didn’t think I could just write ‘shit’ for a blog!
You know who you are, you.
:P
“Shit!”
dawn of mankind
At first I grab him by the horns upon his swollen head to get him to the fire; I failed miserably, slipping as I tried. Then I grabbed him firmly by the balls, the other end of the spectrum (and certainly a handful with him being ten foot tall and all) and I tried once again only to fail, once again, with his balls squeezing out of my grip with a popping sound.
Fed up and exhausted, tired from...
do you believe in Fate boy?
I let the hand of Fate deal my card tonight. It drew an Ace. That would normally be a good sign. But, Fate doesn’t have to be kind or generous. It can play the game any which way it chooses. The Ace was just a card, I took it as a good sign, but it was all a trick. Fate the trickster. Sounds fitting. Sounds about right.
To anyone who reads this, heed my words wisely.
I let fate choose,...
optional,
I do have a blog to post but I am uncertain of posting it yet. For no particular reason, or favour towards, I have made a few blogs about dicks, and some friends have made this aware to me. Quite aware indeed, and now all the talk at work revolves around dolphins and their dicks. (If a dolphin is well-hung, does he say ‘I’m hung like a whale?’)
Am I obsessed with dicks?
Simply...
10-14 inches
I have to honestly say it all spawned from a single comment on a friends blog, as to why I know that a bottle-nosed dolphin has a penis that is 10-14 inches long and is prehensile. Odd, I know.
He, who shall remain nameless, though it wouldn’t be too hard to figure out who the nameless person was, made a blog about online dating and what does one write in their profile. My suggestion;...
Grounds for Divorce by Elbow
I cannot get this...
also,
A conversation between my mates (Scott and Stuntman Mike) and I. An odd conversation which stemmed from the Die and Dice topic. Conversation has been slightly changed due to my short memory and names have also been changed to protect those involved.
Scott: Well, what about Penis.
Blackjack: What about Penis?
Scott: The plural. What is the plural of Penis?
Blackjack: Penises?
Scott: Nah. It could be like Cactus and Cacti. And Octopus and Octopi.
Blackjack: What, Peni?
Scott: Yeah, Peni.
Blackjack: Maybe, but sounds wrong.
Scott: So does Penises.
Blackjack: How about Penis. Like Fish and Fish. And Sheep and Sheep.
Scott: I wouldn't think so.
Stuntman Mike: I know, Cocks!
For those who care, with a little search on google I found my answer. The plural of Penis is Penises, also, Penes. Today was an educational day to say the least.
“Are you shoving a rod down my shaft?”
– ash
what is an 'all-fuck'?
Have you ever heard the phrase ‘It is as hot as all-fuck’?
Well, I have. It is a Similie. A figure of speech comparing two unlike things, often introduced with the word “like” or “as”.
And I have also heard many others like it too.
It is as cold as all-fuck
dry as…
wet as…
crazy as…
stupid as…
etc, etc.
You get my point.
But my...
January 2009
3 posts
6:43 pm
Two men, Jimmi and Fran, are standing around out the front of the local waterhole, each with a smoke in hand, killing time before the band to starts, when another man approaches them. This Stranger stands near them, lights a smoke and then turns to Jimmi after taking a few drags.
Stranger: Do you have the time? I have a lady to meet here at seven.
Jimmi: Sorry, I don't.
Stranger: You have a wrist watch though?
Jimmi: Yea I do.
Stranger: Can you tell me the time then?
Jimmi: No I cannot, It's --
Stranger: Do you not like me for some reason? Do I repulse you in some way that stops you from telling me the time? Do I smell? It's my smell isn't it?! It's only Calvin Klein.
Jimmi: No, it's nothing like that. I just --
Stranger: You have a wrist watch and yet won't give me the time. Fuck man! Why are you being a prick to me for?
Jimmi: I'm not being a prick to y--
Stranger: Then why won't you tell me the time?
Jimmi: Cause I don't know the time.
Stranger: If you just looked at your fucking wrist watch you would.
Jimmi: If I did that I'd just be lying to you.
Stranger: Huh? Wa-Why's that?!
Jimmi: Cause my wrist watch doesn't work. I just wear it for looks. The gals love a man with a pair of fine shoes, an expensive looking watch and a suit to match.
Stranger: OH. Oooh...
Fran: I have the time.
Stranger: And why didn't you just pipe up earlier before I lost my nut?
Fran: You never asked me the time.
the die is cast
I was amazed to find how many people in my work place did not know that Dice is Plural of Die (which is Singular). In fact none of them knew, and it was a hard education for them, they all thought I was pulling their leg in respect to the Singular.
Ha!, Sure I kid around being quite a bit of twat at times, but I would never, never(!) joke about the Die. (or Dice)
Singular of Dice is Die, and...
bollocks
I have no idea what to write here.
At first I never liked the idea of blogging, who the hell wants to read shit about my life. Honestly, who cares. Hands up who cares. Ah, just like I thought. Nobody. I am just one of millions of bloggers in the world, what can I add to the masses that is so important, funny, insightful, or useful that warrants another blog on the ‘net. Really, all I have...